Does My Baby Really Need a Helmet?

If parenting had one North Star, it would be comfort. We are constantly trying to achieve comfort for our babies, for ourselves, for the greater world around us. It covers the basics, like providing timely meals and changing wet diapers. But there are also more complex comforts, like how are we cultivating safe environments and making decisions that we all, as a family, feel confident in?

Sometimes that means tapping into your gut while at a doctor’s appointment, because that is one setting that can make us feel judged, guilty, or uncomfortable. Having bedside manner goes a long way to relieve not only us as parents, but our kids, too. Speaking of, one of the most basic forms of comfort is a lullaby, and there is an international program ensuring that’s a song that every family can experience. And, to put it bluntly, we can think of nothing that provides more comfort than keeping things moving. You probably know what we mean, but read on just in case.

By Lauren Bell Martin

I recently had an experience with... let’s just call them Big Helmet. During my son’s six-month appointment when his usual pediatrician was out, another doctor in the practice suggested that we take him for a free consultation to address the flatness in the back of his head. I definitely noticed this and had previously mentioned it to his doctor, but she assured me that it would most likely round out on its own. But because I will never not take a suggestion offered by my medical team, I scheduled the visit. It was free. What could it hurt? 

We arrived for our appointment time, filled out the necessary paperwork, and then were shuffled into a room where we waited to be taken for photos using a digital imaging machine. They put this tiny stocking cap on my son’s head—he looked like a sad little astronaut—and then took the 3D images that we would look at and further discuss with the occupational therapist we would be seeing that day.

As we started the discussion, the OT pulled up a video that juxtaposed the images of my son’s floating head next to a seemingly AI baby. She pointed out all of my son’s imperfections: His ears and cheeks are uneven, his head is growing wide but not long. She said I should have come in sooner. Feelings of shame and anxiety rushed through me. Her suggestion for treatment: My son would need a helmet for the next four months, worn 23 hours a day, with shaping appointments every two weeks. Then he would need another helmet after that, since he was already older than babies they usually see. I asked them if this would cause any harm to his development or brain growth and she said no.

When I asked about cost, she explained that treatment is not always covered by insurance. The out-of-pocket expense for their patented helmet can range anywhere from $1,500 to $3,800, and that’s not including copays, deductibles, and other costs that may come up. For those privileged enough to afford it and have a choice, that’s a lot to consider. For those who don’t have the resources, you’re left between a rock and a very guilty place.

How to achieve what the kids are calling “fibermaxxing”

We started Folly with the idea that it would be a place to be loud and talk openly about the often unspoken truths of building a family. Well, I’m laying another one of my truths on the table: Going to the bathroom has not been the same since having two children. Whether it’s constipation, IBS, hemorrhoids, or the plethora of other issues that can affect our digestive system, our bodies go through a lot all in the name of creating life. Now, more than ever, I am doing my best to be super cognizant about what I put into my body in the 5 to 10 minutes I have to feed myself.

Recently, on a late-night, mind-numbing TikTok scroll, I came across “fibermaxxing.” The viral trend encourages people to boost their fiber intake to improve gut health, blood sugar, and weight management. Fiber is also a main component in our bowel health, so this piqued my interest and jump-started my quest into finding fiber-rich snacks and supplements to get my digestive health back on tract... I mean track.  —LBM

Meet Tiffany Ortiz, director of early childhood programs at Carnegie Hall and manager of the Lullaby Project

Music can change the entire mood for our baby—whether we’re in the car and I turn the radio up, I switch on his play mat’s jungle-themed soundtrack, or I lull him to sleep with my flawless rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” These rhythmic, repetitive, relaxing songs come out of our mouths like instinct. But why do they work so well, and how can we harness their power for good? That is the mission of Lullaby Project, which started as a pilot program at the Carnegie Hall in 2011, and pairs families with professional musicians to write and sing personalized lullabies to their babies. Through local connections and partnerships around the world, the program also reaches parents in correctional facilities, temporary housing, or healthcare settings. All told, about 7,000 songs have been created. We talk to Tiffany Ortiz, director of early childhood programs at Carnegie Hall, about the project's impetus, the power of lullabies, and why “Itsy Bitsy Spider” hits every time. —Jess Mayhugh

Can you tell me how this work started?
The project started in 2011, out of early childhood work that falls within the Weill Music Institute, which is the education and social impact arm of Carnegie Hall. So there are a range of programs that happen out in the community, in schools, in justice settings, and with young developing musicians. We had been doing all kinds of rich work in healthcare spaces, and we had a partnership with the Jacoby Medical Center in the Bronx, and it was through that relationship that the Lullaby Project emerged. They had been working with young teenage parents who were experiencing high stress, and that was impacting their ability to bond and connect with their children.

One of our colleagues, Tom Cabaniss, had been writing lullabies for friends as a fun artistic project. So that sparked the conversation. That spurred a series of conversations between our team, teaching artists, and the staff at the hospital. Then we started to grow the program across New York City, reaching families in high-stress environments, like maternal mental health clinics or justice settings like Rikers Island. Right now, we’re working with many organizations nationally and internationally—offering free resources, artist training, and support. Every year, we do a big concert here in Zankel Hall that we livestream and we invite families to either share their story or sing their song. 

Why lullabies, specifically, as a form of family support?
Lullabies have been part of human history for a very long time, but this was a unique opportunity, we thought, to invite families to create their own unique personal lullabies. So [we’re] engaging families to create something that was really bespoke, that reflected their own culture and music, the things that they wanted to pass down to their child in a really loving way through the form of a song.

How does the process of writing with the families work?
It could be as simple as recording your song on a phone to as extravagant as inviting families to a professional recording studio. But families have different levels of comfort with that. You might hear songs that have the family singing on them or in other versions maybe it’s the artist, but the families are sharing a dedication. Typically we tell our families to start by writing a letter to their baby, expressing all their hopes and dreams, and then distilling that down into lyrics.

The simplest thing you can do is take a tune you know and stick your own phrase or your child’s name into it. Even just calling out songs you remember from your own childhood, like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” or “You Are My Sunshine.” Certainly, you can use it at bedtime, but there are many transitional moments throughout the day when you need to soothe your child, when you need to switch gears. Maybe before feeding, at bathtime, brushing their teeth, etc.

The two biggest songs in our house are “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Purple Monkey in a Bubblegum Tree” from his play mat. Why are those so great?
Anything with hand motions that go along with songs really brings them to life. That’s also why “Wheels on the Bus” is such a huge hit when they’re a little older. These are very salient songs that families remember from their own youth. One thing about music in general is that it can really be lodged in your brain and memory for a long time. These songs are earworms. From a musicology standpoint, they have hooks. It’s very easy to learn, very easy to replicate. Think about pop songs and what those do for people. Some of our families might have a pop song they write for their child and they can slow it down and add those lullaby-esque elements for bedtime. I think about the malleability of songs and how you can change them for the moments you need them. 

How early can babies recognize and be soothed by a voice? In the womb
Absolutely in the womb. Usually around the third trimester is when they’ll start to pick up on voice and songs. So you’ll have babies who can recognize a song that regularly [played] in the womb once they’re born. It’s just incredible because you can see that level of awareness and acknowledgment at a very young age, and you see it in babies when they recognize their parents’ voice. That’s the voice that they’re hearing most often, typically. So that’s the power also of infant-directed singing—empowering caregivers to use their voice and feel really comfortable singing, because it doesn't matter how good of a singer you are: Your voice is going to offer a lot of comfort to your infant. You’d be surprised, especially in the U.S. context, how nervous families are to sing. So when we’re working with families on writing this lullaby, part of it is building confidence and their own creative capacity as parents to really feel like, “I can lean into singing this to bond with my baby.” 

What are some of the neurological benefits for babies who are sung to?
Music is really unique in that, over the course of a lifespan, it taps into almost every region of the brain, and can support all kinds of development for young children. For a child, particularly between ages 0 and 3, about 80 percent of their brain is developing. It’s the most rapid period of growth where they’re learning social and emotional skills, how to relate to others, and certainly language and motor skills. Music has really strong correlations with supporting all aspects of that early development.

In musicality terms, what defines a lullaby?
Framing within Western musical culture, lullabies generally all have very simple rhyming phrases and usually a 3/4 waltz. The tone and the softness in which a lot of these songs are sung is a big part of it. Musically, there is a lulling, rocking, and waltzy feel to a lot of traditional lullabies, but that does range from culture to culture. Sam Mehr, based out of Harvard, was looking at how babies can recognize lullabies, regardless of the language that they’re in, because of those more common musical traits. The way they play with language is really interesting. Carnegie Hall’s Emily Eagen touches on lyrical content a lot in her research. She’s found that these songs provide an opportunity to think about how to transition from day into night—how do you conjure up a sense of safety when things might feel a little scary for both caregiver and child? Make things like the stars and the moon feel comforting.

What does that rhythm and repetition do to the brain?
Repetition is so huge. Between that and rocking and the sense of safety from a familiar voice, all that combined relaxes a child. We tell our families, if you can remember just one line from your own personal lullaby and stick with it, you can repeat it over and over to soothe not just your child but yourself. Lullabies actually soothe the caregiver just as much. That kind of repetition and rocking slows down your breathing, calms the nervous system, and supports stress management. We think about music as touching and impacting the lives of families, but it also impacts the larger community spaces that we’re in—the healthcare or social workers that are experiencing stress as they support families are also benefiting from the songs, too.

How have you seen the introduction of lullabies change the lives of families in correctional facilities or temporary housing?
The invitation for caregivers to take a moment out of their busy and stressful parenting journey to reflect can feel therapeutic. Many families walk away after creating their song saying, “I never knew I could do something like this.” In a context where families might be separated, a song can be the bridge that helps them connect. We have a partner in Kansas who is doing work in a correctional facility with women, and they’re actually sewing their recordings of their songs in a quilt they are able to share back and forth. Lullabies are amazing that way—they can move through time and space, live on for years, be passed on through generations. We’ve had programs in refugee camps and migrant families, and those songs move with them, wherever they might go. 

Is there a particular story that comes to mind that’s come out of the program?One of the moms we worked with in a healthcare setting wrote this really beautiful song called “Peace” for her son, because he was making a peace sign in his sonogram photo. They came back 12 years later to our annual concert and they were talking about the song and the son was singing it, taking pictures, and making the peace sign. It was just really sweet to see that full circle moment. There was another mom, about four years ago, who spoke really beautifully about what this program meant for her and her recovery from postpartum depression. She said this was a turning point for her, helping her realize that the song she wrote for her child was equally a song for her. 

What has this program meant for you personally?
I am one of six kids, and my youngest sister is almost 20 years apart from me, so I grew up singing to her. You think about direct caregivers, but there are also indirect caregivers, who play just as strong of a role. That whole ecosystem is really important, and I saw the transformational impact as you’re navigating parenthood, what that was like to sing at bedtime, to sing during those transitional moments. It made a huge difference for my siblings growing up, so it’s made me a strong believer.

“Potty training. That’s it.” —LBM

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