Recently, I described the postpartum trenches as an “out-of-body experience,” but then I quickly corrected myself. It’s actually very body. The physical demand on the birthing parent can’t be overstated. I am more aware of my physical form than I’ve ever been, in both healthy and not-so-healthy ways. I’m constantly making food with my body, using my chest for naptime, and marveling at how my baby used to live inside of me. It’s like a wild acid trip, if you think about any of it for too long. So here’s to our bodies, and the ways they change, and challenge, and champion us depending on the day.
My love letter to nipple cream
I never thought I could fall in love with a cream. When I was pregnant with my son, Cole, breastfeeding was always the plan. How cool, I thought, that our bodies can produce exactly what our babies need, on demand, all for free. Once he was born, I quickly understood it wasn’t that easy. While he thankfully latched right away, it hurt like hell. Constant stabbing needles hell. As happens with about 10 percent of babies, Cole had a tongue tie (and a bonus lip tie!) that had to be released in a small surgical procedure. Once his mouth was loosened up, breastfeeding wasn’t as painful but a lot of damage had been done. Cracks and scabs and stings, you name it. It hurt to shower; no fabric felt great. And then my OB recommended this prescription compound nipple cream.
I guess it’s known colloquially as APNO (all-purpose nipple ointment), but I think its street name should be Triple Nip. It combats discomfort in three parts: through an antibiotic, an antifungal, and betamethasone to reduce inflammation. Whatever those magicians were doing in the compound pharmacy, it worked. In just a day or two, my nipples were tolerable again. I was able to enjoy showering, wearing clothes, and, yes, breastfeeding once more. Admittedly, Cole prefers bottles and that’s primarily how we are feeding him now. But I and my boobs are at peace. It’s different from what I pictured, like I’d be some nymph in a forest, surrounded by whimsical deer, with milk flowing directly into my baby’s mouth. But that nymph doesn’t have Triple Nip, a true gift from the nursing gods. —Jess Mayhugh
Six pumping accessories making my life easier
Pumping sucks. There is no way around it. The process itself can feel isolating and overly mechanical, not to mention the fact that you’re secreting nutrients, can experience D-MER, and are hungrier and more dehydrated than you’ve ever been. But! I’ve found solace in simple adjustments, like pumping in the car or reading a chapter of a book during a session. While it will never exactly be pleasant, these six things have made the process a little more seamless. —JM
Hilarious fact: I was using my plug-in pump without a bra for the first couple days. But once I wised up—aka talked to other moms—I invested in a couple of these Kindred Bravely bras, and it’s been secure suction ever since.
The eufy S1 Pro pump has increased my output and my comfort. It’s heated, and has a charging case and a freakin’ stellar app. It makes sense that the company known for its security cameras has really good tech. Get it through your insurance or find a local gear swap, if you’re able.
Did I recently catch myself leaking in public? Certainly. But these washable pads will prevent all that. They’re super soft, come in a variety of skin tones, and are barely visible under your clothes. Now I just have to remember to wear them.
Bless those in my life for gifting me some incredible things. Exhibit A is the Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro, which is extremely pricey. I was lucky enough to get it handed down and it’s decreased the stress level in our kitchen tenfold. Find it secondhand!
Exhibit B are these lactation cookies. Before a friend brought these over for me during our MealTrain, I had never heard of such a thing. But they are easy to shovel into your mouth (and a little less messy than my usual handfuls of granola) for a pumping snack.
The Boob Cube is a brilliant way to save those last bits of hard-earned breast milk in the bottle from going to waste. And the name is chef’s kiss.
Understanding postpartum anxiety with perinatal therapist Carina Lane
Though getting pregnant came easy the first time for social worker and therapist Carina Lane, that was not the case for her second. She tried all of 2020 (what a fun year!) and attempted to seek fertility treatments, but was told to keep trying since she wasn’t yet 35. Once she finally did get pregnant and had her son in October 2021, her dad was diagnosed with end-stage kidney failure and she and her family moved to northwest Indiana to be closer to him. In trying to balance supporting her dad, a huge life transformation, two babies, and a global pandemic, she hit a breaking point. “I was trying to be in multiple places at once, and I was feeling constantly on edge,” Lane says now. “It was a good recipe for postpartum anxiety.” Here, the early childhood mental health specialist details exactly what PPA looks like and what can be done if you’re experiencing it yourself. —Lauren Bell Martin
On first noticing her symptoms
When I had my son, I felt stuck. I could not find sleep and sleep could not find me. My eating vacillated between not eating enough—which is not good when you’re breastfeeding—to eating too much.
When I started noticing these things, I was mystified because no one talks about postpartum anxiety. I tried to bring it up with my PCP when I was seven months postpartum and she suggested I could work on my weight a little bit. [Editor’s note: What the fuck.] Trying to find a therapist was hard, especially one who is well-versed in perinatal mental health issues. Eventually, I settled for a therapist who did not have formal training and it worked out. But being a perinatal therapist now, there were definitely things she missed that could have been supported a lot better if she had proper training.
On the lack of training in the field
In any form of therapy, social work, counseling, or school, there is no training on perinatal mental health. It’s not part of anyone’s curriculum. So I graduated with my master’s in social work last year, and I was the only one who knew what perinatal mental health was and had the training that I had sought out on my own. This is why postpartum anxiety is often untreated, undertreated, and not recognized. People are going back to their OBs for their six-week checkup and oftentimes, if you say you are struggling, they immediately write you a prescription for an SSRI like Zoloft or Lexapro without actually getting to the root cause. Giving someone an SSRI without therapy is like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. In my case, we would’ve gotten to the stress I was feeling from the medical issues my dad was undergoing and the lack of support I had postpartum.
On the difference between postpartum depression and anxiety
Postpartum depression and anxiety can absolutely look alike. Oftentimes with depression, there’s a lot less attachment to the child. Not to say you don’t love your baby, but we can’t even do some of the basic things required to take care of our kids. Those tasks feel like a burden and working on that attachment during the first couple of days feels like too much. Moms experiencing depression can often sleep too much or too little, which can also look like what’s happening in anxiety too, but depression is more of that catatonic state, where getting through the day is insurmountable. Anxiety can look like playing out the worst-case scenario in every situation, replaying conversations over again, experiencing uncontrollable worry. It feels like there is no way to sit still and relax.
Giving someone an SSRI without therapy is like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.
On the stigma of postpartum mental health
Yes, moms are just naturally anxious and full of worry—it’s normal. It’s normal to worry about your baby. It’s normal to not get a lot of sleep when you have a baby. Perinatal mental health disorders are the number one complication of postpartum. Unfortunately, men are making decisions for women in a lot of these scenarios that go underreported, even though one in 10 men actually experience perinatal mental health disorders. You don’t have to be the gestational parent to experience these things. But, because it’s more so a “women’s issue,” it gets brushed off a lot.
Her advice for postpartum care
Plan for your postpartum before you even conceive. Figure out who your village is, and make sure they understand what perinatal mental health conditions are. My husband didn’t know what it was, but he started recognizing that something was off and was able to support me in talking to my doctor and getting help and setting up therapy. And that goes for each pregnancy. I didn’t have any perinatal mental health issues after my first child, but it happened for me after my second. At that point people tend to assume you know what you’re doing.
On what she would tell her past self
Be proud of herself and to hold on tight. Even though it’s hard right now, you’ll end up being what you needed, and it’ll come from a place of your own experiences. Your experiences are actually going to mean something, and be able to help others.
Costco is making IVF meds cheaper and UnitedHealthcare is covering doulas. Progress!
Reading Cole The Brave Cowboy, which was given to us by a dear friend, whose dad read it to him, whose grandfather read it to him.
Gatorade Zero went from my hangover helper to breastfeeding best friend. Either way, my veins are the color of Glacier Freeze.
The new season of Love on the Spectrum has begun. A rare source of pure joy in this world.
Another source: Romy discovering spring flowers. And I quote: “They smell so fresh!”
For the first time in a while, Merit peed in/on my face when I was changing his diaper. I really thought that ship had sailed, but maybe I should invest in a poncho. —LBM
