When it comes to family-building, your community generally starts small. You share pregnancy test results with a handful of loved ones, text a chosen network when your baby arrives. People closest to you drop meals on your porch or offer childcare as your baby grows. But zoom out a bit to faraway friends or family who can’t be present but can still connect. Thank god for WhatsApp and voice notes and group chats and Marco Polo. Sending gift cards or taking Peloton rides together have become new love languages. Zoom out even further and social media has made our communities wider. We can follow along with seemingly perfect strangers or make new friends through a digital meetup. In many ways, our tribes have never been bigger. Technology, on its best days, helps us find ways to support each other even when we’re not with each other.
The Parasocial Heartbreak of Following Our Favorite Writers
Reading “mommy” blogs for decades means inevitable—and indirect—grief.
By Jess Mayhugh
I read “mommy blogs” long before I became a parent. Though my weekends were spent closing down local bars and camping at music festivals, I read about childbirth stories and toddler meal plans on many quiet evenings. I can’t say why exactly. Maybe the sheer differences in our lives fascinated me—how your 20s can look so different depending on your choices and circumstance. Or, perhaps, subconsciously I was preparing for a life I knew I would live some day. This was me doing my homework, gathering all the information, becoming an expert. Lol.
As I read these parents’ stories and got to know their families, something more emotional happened. The term “parasocial” would enter our vocabulary later, but at the time I didn’t realize the connection was so commonplace. My “friends” included a mom named Heather in Utah, a rocker Rebecca in LA, a widower Matt from the Midwest, a Brit named Holly in the Bay Area, a hipster mom named Jo in Brooklyn, the hilarious Jill in my hometown of Baltimore. This was back in the days of Google Reader (you are so missed) where, in one scroll, I could read all their latest blog entries, catch up with all my pals.
They were all so open, so vulnerable. Adjectives, at the time, that could never describe me. I was shrouded in an opaque shell of happy-go-lucky and everything is fine. In my personal and professional life, I was focused on other people’s stories. So habitually consuming these blogs felt aligned, right at the center of my comfort zone.
I read about their favorite local coffee shops and what they bickered about with their spouses, saw the cute outfits they dressed their babies in, and read why their week felt difficult. Though photo borders and sepia tones were all the rage, it was, ironically, before online content became so filtered. People were still revealing real truths, caring less about the opinions of others and certainly had no eye toward sponsors or brand deals. It was like they were giving away the keys to their diary.
Maternity dresses that aren’t actually maternity
We can’t be alone in resisting certain tropes in maternity clothes: the ruched sides, the constrictive bands, the weird panels and flaps. There are plenty of ways to dress cute and comfortable in clothing that doesn’t define itself as maternity. Some keywords to look out for are “swing,” “trapeze,” “relaxed,” “smocked,” and, perhaps our favorite: “elastic.” Plus, the best (and maybe only good?) thing about being pregnant in the summer is that you can just slip on a dress and sandals and you’re good to go. Here are our picks for the best maternity dresses that aren’t actually maternity. —Lauren Bell Martin and JM
Pact’s organic cotton fabric feels like the softest worn-in tee and the brand’s dresses come in flattering cuts and colors. They’re also fairly sweat-stain proof. Hallelujah.
We are both huge Nuuly gals and the Somerset cut from Anthropologie—whether in romper, jumpsuit, or dress form—is as universally flattering as the sisterhood’s traveling pants. Try this mini dress for warmer days.
Flutter, gauze, swing. All code words for forgiving. Oh, and it’s on sale for $15.
If you’ve got a babymoon booked or plan to attend a wedding, this tropically inspired Farm Rio maxi is a splurge but worth it, since you can wear it postpartum, too.
Order this Hill House dupe from American Eagle for less than $30. Would be cute as hell for a shower.
Pleats can work wonders to mask certain bumps and lumps and wobbly bits, and we love the colorways on this ASOS find.
In case you find yourself on a beach this summer and just want to wear a towel, this terrycloth dress is the next best thing.
Meet journalist Ali Prato, the co-founder of Fertility Rally, a community for those experiencing infertility or building a family with assisted reproductive technology
A decade ago, Ali Prato went through pregnancy loss, secondary infertility, and IVF before giving birth to her baby boy, Sonny. She found it to be an incredibly lonely experience with very few resources, one that only got lonelier with the onset of the pandemic. She and her co-founder and friend, Blair Nelson, started hosting Zoom happy hours (remember those?) and, soon enough, about 50 to 60 members would attend. Once it was safe to do so, they expanded Fertility Rally to real-life events, Ali started her Infertile AF podcast and wrote children’s books explaining assisted reproductive technology (ART); today the support group meets on the first Wednesday of each month.
Her latest book, Petri Dish Princess, is inspired by Elizabeth Carr, the first IVF baby born in the U.S., and debuts this fall. I had the privilege of being a guest on Ali’s podcast—follow so you can listen to the episode in a couple of weeks—and got the chance to ask her about all the work she’s done for the fertility community. —JM
Talk about the impetus for starting Fertility Rally.
I co-founded Fertility Rally in June 2020, in the middle of the pandemic, because I was hearing the same thing over and over from infertility patients: They felt isolated. Fertility treatment can be incredibly lonely, and COVID only amplified that. As someone who’d gone through three-plus years of pregnancy loss, secondary infertility, and IVF myself, I knew firsthand how important it was to connect with people who truly understood.
At first, Fertility Rally was a handful of “happy hours” on Zoom, with people my co-founder, Blair, and I had met on Instagram. We were all stuck at home, in the weeds, and looking for connection. The groups started getting big—like 50 to 60 people. So we thought, Should we make this a thing? What started as a small community quickly grew into a global support network. Over the years, we’ve hosted thousands of support group meetings, 10 live events, and four Rally IRL weekend getaways. I’m proud to say that the group Rally has served more than 5,000 members and continues to be a place where people can find support, information, and friendship during one of the most challenging chapters of their lives.
How have you seen the attitude toward fertility treatments change since you started?
The biggest shift I’ve seen is that people are talking about infertility and fertility treatment so much more openly. When I started my podcast, Infertile AF, in 2019, many people still felt like they had to keep it secret. Today, we’re seeing countless celebrities, influencers, athletes, and everyday people share their stories publicly, which is awesome. There is still stigma, but the conversation has become much more normalized. People are realizing that fertility challenges affect millions of families and that there is no shame in needing medical help to build your family.
Similarly, the science and tech has changed a lot! What have you seen as some of the most exciting advancements?
The pace of innovation in reproductive medicine is remarkable. IVF is only 45 years old, which is wild. One of the most exciting developments has been the continued improvement of embryo testing, embryo freezing technology, and egg freezing success rates. What was once considered experimental is now giving many people more reproductive options and flexibility.There’s also the use of AI in all sorts of ways, which will be interesting to track over the next 10 years.
There is still stigma, but the conversation has become much more normalized. People are realizing that fertility challenges affect millions of families and that there is no shame in needing medical help to build your family.
What have been some of the most memorable moments you’ve experienced with your members since you’ve started?
There are so many, but the ones that stay with me most are the lifelong friendships that have formed through this community. I’ve watched members meet online in support groups, become best friends, support one another through devastating losses, and then celebrate pregnancies and births together IRL. The bond of infertility is like no other.
Why did you feel it was important to write children’s books about IVF?
As an IVF mom, I wanted my 10-year-old Sonny to grow up understanding and celebrating how he came into the world. When I looked for children’s books that reflected modern family-building stories, there simply weren’t enough of them. The first book, Work of ART, is our family’s story. Then came Beautiful Bird and the board book You Are a Work of ART. My goal is to help families start these conversations early and make every child feel proud of their origin story. I think it’s pretty awesome.
Your podcast got me through some of the darkest days of my fertility saga. What do you think is the most powerful part of your community?
Nobody has to explain themselves. The minute someone walks into a support group or an event, or listens to my podcast or reads my books, they are surrounded by people who just get it. We’ve always called ourselves “the worst club with the best members.” I want everyone who’s going through fertility treatments and building their families through ART to feel seen, and heard, and supported. I want all of this to suck less for the people coming after me. I want to leave this space better than when I got here.
The unexpected beauty of being a trans dad.
How one mom’s picky eaters helped her be a more adventurous diner.
Voicemails for Isabelle on Netflix was adorable and poignant and made us immediately want a breakfast taco.
Olivia Rodrigo’s new album on repeat, specifically track 12.
“Things I never expected to come out of my mouth, part 724: ‘Singing about ‘shaking ass in the parking lot’ is not appropriate for a 9-year-old.’”
—Folly copy editor Catherine Sweet
