We recently took a trip to Illinois to see my husband’s family—our first trip with two kids. It was hard. I found myself ebbing and flowing across each day in a desperate attempt to make it through. There were moments that were genuinely fun, moments that were completely exhausting, and a lot of moments of counting down the hours until bedtime.
On our way home, we ended up having an hourlong delay on the runway, meaning we were trapped on the plane in our seats with a 2½-year-old triple threat (singer, dancer, actor) and a nine-month-old who just learned to crawl and has made it brutally obvious that he never wants to be still again. We made a plan (lol) to fly during nap time. And my son did sleep through the entire delay, a blessing nonetheless, but he woke up at takeoff ready to fuck shit up. As my toddler scream-sang “Let It Go” at the top of her lungs, I realized I was going to have to draw from the hidden parental superpower to survive this flight. I pulled out everything: snacks, bottles, toys, airline menus, phone videos, rinse, repeat.
I’ve never been more resourceful, more patient, or more creative than I have been as a parent. Not because I suddenly developed those qualities, but because becoming a parent gave me access to a version of myself I didn’t know existed—a version who can somehow produce a snack from the bottom of my bag with one hand, turn an airline menu into a New York Times bestselling children’s story with the other, negotiate with a toddler at 30,000 feet, and entertain my 22-pound squirmy baby when every ounce of my body and mind are screaming “I’m done.”
As we all know, parenthood is a full-time job. There are no sick days, no paid time off, no breaks, no vacations. Your literal world as you know it could be falling apart, but your child’s world must remain safe and protected. It’s in these more trying times that I am most impressed with parents. Just when you think they have nothing left to give, we conjure strength that is only accessible to those we’ve created.
Maybe that’s the most impressive thing. It’s not that we never fall apart. Because we do. It’s that somehow we always find a way to show up for the people who need us most. We pull from the hidden reserve. We find a way. We keep going.
PS: Speaking of finding a way, we are dealing with some family emergencies and the next few issues might be a bit abbreviated. If you have any extra good vibes, prayers, thoughts, hugs, good juju, love, and/or magical thinking, can you please send it in our direction? It would help refuel our reserve.
The cutest Halloween pajamas for our little ghouls and goblins
Listen, I know it’s August. I’m currently gagging (derogatory) at the sight of anything pumpkin spice, but Halloween is my favorite holiday and, in turn, my favorite time to buy shit we probably don’t need for my kids. My favorite holiday splurge is pajamas, because they are technically a necessity, so the guilt of spending money can’t plague me this time! That’s just girl math. We know the retail world likes to move quickly, so all the big players (aka the Gap cinematic universe) have their Halloween shops ready to go. And as a service to you, dear reader, I went through them all and picked the cutest prints that you’ll undoubtedly need this spooky season. —Lauren Bell Martin
Physical therapist Dr. Joy Noble talks about the importance of pelvic health
Before pregnancy, I had rarely considered the pelvis. I knew Elvis was a fan. Thrusts came up in Rocky Horror. Everyone’s pelvic bones were exposed in the low-rise jeans trend of the early aughts. But as far as the pelvic floor being connected to your internal organs, core strength, and overall sexual health? That certainly never came up in health class.
Luckily, these days a good OB will recommend a pelvic floor therapist, maybe at the hospital or at a private practice, and many are even covered by insurance. We talked to Pelvic Pride co-founder Dr. Joy Noble, a licensed pelvic floor PT and postpartum corrective exercise specialist, about who the therapy is for (everyone!), why it’s only gained awareness in the last couple of decades, and why pregnant and postpartum people shouldn’t have to live with leaking. —LBM and Jess Mayhugh
Who should consider pelvic floor therapy?
We all have pelvic floors, so really anyone can benefit. From a more diagnostic perspective, my elevator pitch is that we help anyone with pee, poop, sex, pain, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause, menopause, and gender for main care. So it’s a big spectrum of care that falls within the pelvic health world, and I’m finding there’s a lot of movement towards proactive care, along with reactive care, which is really cool. So people wanting to just know the general state of their pelvic floor? How is it engaging with my abdomen, my breath? Or is there anything I should be focusing on, even if they don’t show any symptoms or have concerns to address?
How does pelvic floor therapy benefit pregnant and postpartum women specifically?
We get a lot of folks who come into us as early as the second trimester of pregnancy. They may not have any symptoms, but they’ve heard from friends that they should try PT. They’ve had family members, maybe they’re providers, maybe social media is suggesting it to them. And so what I like to tell people is that it’s great to establish care. Come meet us, get a baseline while you’re pregnant. We’ll talk through what’s normal, what’s common, what areas we can help you with.
As the baby is growing, your body’s changing and developing during pregnancy and things will continue to change. So something that may feel fine today may not feel great into the third trimester. We also do a lot of birth prep, so empowering our patients just to understand the pelvic floor is not active during labor. It should be during delivery. And so, if we have tightness or tension, we really need to get those muscles to relax and remember how to just be calm. We’re teaching those methods, we’re teaching different ways to address the inlet, the mid-pelvis, and the outlet for laboring and delivery. And then again, it blends over into that reactive treatment—if something does flare up, if there’s a pubic symphysis issue, a [sacroiliac] joint issue, a pelvic floor discomfort or concern, we’re addressing that during pregnancy. Now that you’ve got a rapport with the therapist, when you deliver and you get to bring your birth story back to them, it feels like coming home.
Unfortunately within our field, we also deal with loss. You’re coming in and we know ahead of time, there was a loss. We still have to support the pelvic floor and there is some comfort in being familiar with your therapist who was working with you during the pregnancy. Fortunately, the large majority of the pregnant folks we work with have a successful birth. But sometimes birth doesn’t go exactly how we planned, and so we’re here to help support that, too.
What is a “trauma-informed approach” to pelvic therapy?
Recognizing how trauma plays a role in the way our body and musculature is presenting. Any kind of guarding, tightness, or tension—as well as how we’re releasing tension—help our trauma, history, and stories come to the surface and be released. At Pelvic Pride, we talk about enthusiastic consent and sometimes my patients will laugh, and they’re like, “‘Enthusiastic’ feels like a funny word.” But I want patients to consent to this treatment method. Sometimes people dissociate in a clinic and that, to me, means you’ve removed consent.
Honestly, some of the other things that, again, may seem silly to most, but I’m never between the patient and the door. The patient always is closest to the door and has a very easy exit and I will never block their way. And so, in a way of feeling safe to exit, if they’re ever just like, “I need to remove myself from the situation.” It’s things like having weight limits for all of our pieces of equipment by the manufacturers available on our website, so people are informed before they come in. So we’re just trying to be as informed as we can and trying to help our patients feel safe and supported.
Your body grew a whole darn human. Any group of muscles that have gone through that big of a change are just going to be different, but not in a bad way. It’s not about returning to something, but about rebuilding who you are today.
Can you describe a pelvic floor session? What should people expect?
First, you’re given some intake forms to fill out and include your medical history. We do a lot of that beforehand, so we don’t waste time in the clinic. Then we sit down in the room together and chat about what brings you in, your concerns or questions, and your goals for the day. We usually do a 75-minute evaluation. You need enough time to allow your patient to share their story. Sometimes they’re long, sometimes they’re short, but we really just want to know because I learn so much more from just listening to my patients. They tell me so much and may not realize certain things are important for me to know.
We then move on to our hands-on assessment. This can look like a lot of things, which again is where the enthusiastic consent comes from. You can change your mind at any time; we will discuss it again. And so we’ll explain to them what the pelvic floor is, what it’s doing, where I’m going to touch, and what to expect, as well as how to say no, or how to stop if you ever feel uncomfortable. As long as everyone’s comfortable, we will do an internal exam. We assess the pelvic floor by looking at breathing and the abdominals to start. But it even goes beyond that, where we need to look at the whole body, and we’ll do that on a second visit. So that first visit is really to hear your story, gain consent, explain the exam, do our hands-on assessment, and explain our findings and what our plan is for care.
Why do people lack awareness about pelvic floor therapy?
The field itself is relatively new—the pioneers of the pelvic floor therapy world have just started reaching retirement age. But we now have the ability to say we are musculoskeletal experts. The pelvic floor is muscles and bone, and this is our field to treat and rehab. Within the last 20 years, it’s become a fast-growing field for providers. Awareness is spreading and I’m seeing patients becoming more empowered to ask for help and to not just accept that leaking after you have a baby is normal. It’s common, but not normal. It happens to a lot of folks that have babies, but it’s not something you have to live with.
Social media has also really helped people discover pelvic floor health. There is a lot of information online being shared and I always tell my patients to send me anything they find on Instagram or TikTok. I’ll tell you if it’s legit or not. I would rather be able to say this is good information or this is questionable information, but there’s just so much of it out there. Some is great and some is not as ideal, but just the fact that we’re talking about it and having the conversations, I think, is what is making people realize that our field even exists.
What are some misconceptions or things women don’t know about their pelvic floor?
One of the biggest myths I hear is, “Oh, I had a C-section, my pelvic floor was spared.” In reality, your pelvic floor did a lot of work for nine months: holding, supporting, and carrying your baby with you. Also—a C-section is a major surgery, so even if you feel like your pelvic floor is in a good place, we’re going to help you with that recovery, too. We’re going to help with scar tissue. We are going to help with re-engaging the abdominals and the breathing patterns because, not only have you had a major surgery, but you also are taking care of a newborn.
Another big one is that, if you’re experiencing leaking, most people think that points towards weakness [while] it can actually mean you have a tight pelvic floor. I find more of my patients have tight pelvic floor muscles. They’re like, “I’m leaking, I should do kegels,” when in reality your pelvic floor is so tight that it got tired of holding and when you coughed or you sneezed it couldn’t hold the pressure any longer. People who experience an overactive bladder think that to solve it they should stop drinking water. You’re actually just creating irritation to the bladder because we aren’t giving it enough water. Now you’re dehydrated and your body's really not happy.
Can you completely heal your pelvic floor after birth?
It depends on what we’re trying to heal. Like, can a diastasis heal? You may always have a one-finger diastasis, but you’re also strong. You got back to your functional fitness. Maybe you got back to running. You’re able to play with your kiddos and lift them overhead, do all the fun things that you want to do, no matter what your activity level is. And to me, that’s healed. That’s function. You don’t notice your abdominals. You’re not in pain. We’re not feeling weak or unstable or vulnerable at our belly, even though I could technically put a finger in between.
Sometimes it’s about managing our expectations and what our goal is. Your body grew a whole darn human. Any group of muscles that have gone through that big of a change are just going to be different, but not in a bad way. It’s not about returning to something, but about rebuilding who you are today.
AOC documenting her egg-freezing journey. Discussing reproductive rights while injecting herself with a Gonal-f pen? Incredible content.
Go see The Invite for Olivia Wilde’s face-acting, Penélope Cruz’s dancing, Edward Norton’s silly side, and Seth Rogen’s under-his-breath one liners.
Phoebe Bridgers’s Lost Weekend—an eerie album on grief, love, and rebuilding your life—has arrived right on time.
It’s a YA summer and Sterling Point is scratching the itch that was left after the masterpiece that was Off Campus.
The FamilyAlbum app has been a game-changer.
“In the course of the last week, my son has picked up an actual dog turd from the backyard with his bare hands and also pulled pizza out of the trash and had it in his mouth before we could rip it away from him. When we did, he threw his body backwards onto the coffee table and screamed as if he was being told that he was going to prison for the rest of his life.” —Folly reader Elizabeth C.
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