Growing up, I was told my mom had me when she was “older.” That age was 33. Looking back on it now, it feels downright ridiculous. But she did have a baby after a lot of her contemporaries had, and the science then was way less advanced when it came to assessing age-based maternal medical risk. Finally, the research is catching up to the reality, and the idea of a standard parental age is broadening.
This is great news for a lot of reasons—namely that it gives many parents hope as they battle through fertility struggles, try to time out egg freezing, or generally look to plan their futures. While it wasn’t necessarily a path that I chose, having my son 11 days shy of turning 40 has turned out to have some surprising upsides. If I’m being honest, there are some cons, too. But overall, I’m here to tell you, there are a lot of unexpected perks of being a more mature mom.
Pro: There’s a built-in support network. This is huge. Yes, being parents of a certain age, our “village” might look a little different than previous generations, but ours is filled with chosen family. So many of our friends, coworkers, and neighbors have had kids before us and can empathize. It’s really heartening to be able to text “were your night sweats this bad??” and “does your baby also sound like a pterodactyl??” with zero judgment on the other end.
Con: Older family. Some of us find ourselves in the “sandwich generation,” caring for aging parents while we raise our baby. Certainly not for the faint of heart.
Pro: Stability. Of course, all paths of life look different, but for my husband and me, we have more stability, both financially and emotionally, now than we did a decade or so ago. I remember bringing this up in a hair salon and a girl in her 20s shared that her parents had her at an older age and she felt so grateful. She said there was rarely any drama and her family felt secure. That has always stuck with me.
Con: I’m more stubborn. Nothing rocks your stable world more than a baby. As you get older, you become more set in your ways and, to me, it feels harder to unlearn your patterns. But having our son has totally disrupted that, for better or for worse.
Pro: I may never have to buy anything ever again. From bottle washers to baby swings to so many freakin’ clothes, the hand-me-downs from all our friends and family just keep coming.
Pro: My ideal night looks a lot different. In a recent Glamour interview with Sienna Miller, the British actress articulated it perfectly: “Having had a baby at 29, then having a baby at 42, and now 44, it’s so much much easier when you don’t have the conflict of feeling scattered and like you want to be doing X, Y, Z. If I’m in bed at 9 p.m. with a book, I’m so happy now.” Amen.
Con: Hangovers. After the nights I do go out, whew boy, the following days are not fun. As Alanis said, you live, you learn.
Pro: I am prioritizing my health. As opposed to treating my body like a trash can, I am now wise enough to care. See: recommendations for strength training, fiber supplements, and sun protection.
Con: My body is aging, duh. Pregnancy, childbirth, lack of sleep, lifting heavy babies, and hauling around gear no doubt take a greater toll on us now. To put it plainly, my 40-year-old mind is great, but I would still prefer the feeling of my 20-year-old body.
Pro: Older kids love babies. One of the most unexpected joys has been seeing my friends’ teens and tweens fawn over our son. We had a group of doting girls at his every beck and call at Easter brunch, and my longtime friends’ adolescent towheaded boys rarely let him out of their sight. Yes, it’s helpful to have all eyes on him but, more importantly, it does my heart good to watch our kids connect. This last one might just outweigh all the rest.
Jess Mayhugh is the co-founder of Folly, and a writer and editor who spent nearly a decade trying to have a baby before the arrival of her son, Cole, in December 2025. She has published stories for The New York Times and The Atlantic about her fertility journey, the IVF process, and grief around infant loss.
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